Keeping your kids home so they won’t be polluted by the outrageous ideas and radical agenda President Barack Obama is going to present in his back-to-school speech to children across the nation?

It’s good to stand on principles. And, in that spirit, please don’t make tomorrow a blow-off day that would send the message that education’s not important. Make it a learning day for you kids. If you’re stumped as to how to do that, feel free to borrow a few of these ideas.

Disclaimer: These are not from the official Education Department suggested lesson plans – you know, the ones you didn’t like because they included encouraging children to write the president about how they could help him.

I can understand the concern there. Asking people to get involved in their government is a dangerous notion. Better to keep them anesthetized in front of the television.

Instead, this study guide focuses on easy steps you can take on your own – no government interaction required.

1.

Wrap old action figures in tin foil and re-create the moon landing, filming it on your camcorder. Tell your children that’s exactly how they did it in 1969. If you can see even a hint of policy, let alone socialism, in the president’s speech, then you’ll buy that whole moon landing conspiracy theory, too.

2.

Plan a field trip to Kenya so you can find the president’s birth certificate. Too far to travel in a day? Take a field trip to Hawaii instead – that’s where the birth certificate is anyway.

3.

Take your children to a visit a local veterans group to thank the members for fighting to protect their rights. Then explain to your children that you believe certain rights – say, free speech, for example – should be reserved for certain people. Such as those not spewing socialist propaganda.

4.

Watch a SpongeBob marathon. The money-loving business owner who takes advantage of a dolt too dim to pass a driver’s test is just the model of capitalism the hate-mongering wingnut talking heads stirring this controversy would love to see spread.

5.

Explain to your children why Obama’s education policies are wrong – how school choice is bad and merit pay will ruin the system.

Oh. Wait. That’s the position of people like me, who hate virtually everything Education Secretary Arne Duncan does from the time he wakes up in the morning. And your problem with Obama’s education policy is … I’m not quite clear on that. Because it sounds pretty similar to yours.

What I am clear on, though, is that this is a non-issue. Or it should be, except certain segments of this society have gone full-tilt wacko when it comes to anything this president says or does – even before he says or does it.

Let’s add a sixth item, in case you still have the energy after a long day playing teacher. It was harder than you thought it’d be, wasn’t it? Maybe the folks we pay to do it aren’t so incompetent after all.

Before you go to bed, read the text of the president’s speech. Let some semblance of rationality return to your brain first.

If you do, you’ll see that it’s a great speech. It’s full of notions such as responsibility, not making excuses and working hard – values your bunch usually likes to get behind. If he’d just called for kids to eat more vegetables, his talk would have been perfect.

Even Laura Bush says it’s OK for the president to encourage children. If you read that speech with even a smidgen of objectivity or sane thought, you’ll admit the same.

Copyright 2009 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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