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The Hickory Farms pizza gift pack

Submitted by on Monday, 13 December 2010 No Comment
You've just received a Hickory Farms holiday gift pack - three weeks before the holiday, thanks to the stunning efficiency of both Hickory Farm and of the U.S. Postal Service.

Do you stash it under your bed for late-night munching? Part of it, yes.

Do you break into it immediately and share the bounty with your friends? Part of it, yes.

Or do you gather up the packs of smoked cheese and summer sausage, head to an Afghani vendor, ask him to cook it on top of his country's traditional flat bread and proclaim it "pizza"?

If you're my husband, yes.

I swear this stuff is inspired by alternating periods - sometimes rapidly alternating - of extreme stress and monotony. It's not as if the dining hall at the base is ever short on food. The PX and the "Free X" usually have plenty of snacks, too, though there are occasional shortages of in-demand items.

But when you're stuck in a war zone with nothing much to do on your weekend - "weekend" defined as "six free hours once a week" - the mind starts wandering and comes up with Afghani-Hickory Farms pizza.

It's the same type of creativity that convinces soldiers to add cold water to hot cocoa mix to create chocolate milk. Never mind that chocolate milk is available relatively nearby in a more convenient, drinkable form.

It's the same mentality that concocts "recipes" to make MREs tastier - a relative term indeed. Mocha frosting on top of a cracker, anyone?

Or maybe it's just that some of us never outgrow the desire to play with our food.

Dad says Hickory Farms-Afghani pizza is pretty good, though it would have been better if he'd had some of his beloved Tapatio to douse it with. Maybe Hickory Farms will consider adding that to its selections.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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