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Boots and his babies

Submitted by on Tuesday, 16 March 2010 4 Comments

Boots is going to have two babies, and he’s already set on their names – Lightning and Juan Pablo. The latter is a NASCAR thing.

But what if one’s a girl? What’s her name going to be? I asked.

Wubbzy! I’ll name her Wubbzy, he smiled brightly. And don’t worry, Mommy. I know how to take care of my babies. Plus I’ll have their mommy to help me.

That’s good, I said. Babies are a lot of work.

Oh, I know what to do. You give them milk and make sure they sleep and change their diapers. He wrinkled his nose at the last. I don’t think I know how to change diapers. You might need to do that for me, he said.

I’m not having babies, Big Guy interjected. Diapers stink.

Not if Mommy does it, Boots countered.

I decided to leave that debate to him and the future Mrs. Boots. What else do babies need, I asked.

They need food, he said. But not at first, right? They need teeth first. When they get teeth, I’m going to give them lots of good, healthy food. Fruits and begetables. And milk. They’ll still need milk.

Mom, if Boots has babies will I be an uncle, Big Guy asked, alarmed. Coz I don’t want to be an uncle.

Oh, being an uncle is fun! You get to buy them toys and candy, but when they get upset and start crying you get to send them back to your brother, I assured him.

Big Guy’s eyes lit up at that. I’ll buy them lots of candy, he grinned, so they’ll cry a lot when I say, “no more.”

What do I do when they cry, Boots asked, alarmed.

You can rock them or sing them sweet little songs, I said. That usually worked with you – I neglected to mention his brother’s massive three-month colic. Nothing worked for that, except dancing endlessly to The “Garth Brooks Double Live” version of “Callin’ Baton Rouge.”

I can pet them, too, he said, demonstrating with his El. I’ll love my babies sooooooooooo much, he smiled dreamily.

Lightning and Juan Pablo-Wubbzy are going to be lucky children. Milk … begetables … love. What more could a kid ask for?

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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  • MtnMom said:

    Oh!My!Word! It this isn’t the cutest and most heartwarming family planning moment ever! (I’m a bit concerned though about the reason Big Uncle would want to give them candy…LOL!!!)

    Give the Guys hugs for me. Love y’all and hope all is well! =D

  • Lora said:

    awww… sweet sweet photo and story.

  • Debra said:

    Big Uncle wants to give them candy so they’ll cry later not for the joy of hearing them cry, but for the thrill of making his brother deal with crying babies. ;)

    The whole story – vindictive future uncles aside – is a great example of why I love bedtime of late. They’ll literally talk themselves to sleep, and the end-of-the-day utterings are usually a gem of a story like this or some huge insight.

  • Leslie K said:

    Be sure to mention the other thing those babies will need – college funds. AAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!

    great story, Deb…thank you!!!