Maybe it’s because the guys ask every year, but for me “how did Santa get here” is a far more predictable question than “what do you feed the reindeer.”

It’s also far more likely to cause trouble than the lack of movie continuity in how Santa monitors bad children. Especially when Santa ad libs answers.

“How did you get here?” Big Guy asked Saturday.

“I flew on a magic carpet,” Santa said.

As my mom used to say, if you’re going to tell a lie, tell a good one.This tale did not meet her standard.

Used to be, the guys were too intimidated by Santa to do anything more than scurry timidly onto his lap and stare in wonder. Afterward, though, Big Guy would pepper me.

“How did Santa get here?”

My stock answer was “the police,” an invention that is particularly handy when a classmate’s mom is a deputy sheriff. “Oh!” Big Guy would say. “I bet she helped! But where did he leave the reindeer? At the airport?”

Yes, the airport. That must be it. It lead to the Debra Corollary to Mom’s Maxum on Lying: If  you keep quiet long enough, the person you’re trying to trick will help you out.

We’re in new territory at Fort Irwin this year, though, but at least it’s a target-rich environment with jets zooming over head and numerous helicopters. If that doesn’t work, we’re close enough to Edwards Air Force Base for Santa to hop the shuttle if necessary.

So when Big Guy asked Saturday morning how Santa was coming, I listed the various possibilities but left the details up to the man himself. Big Guy’s big on “trust but verify.”

It’s a good thing I was vague. Magic carpet? Can those even get clearance to fly over a military base? If they do, should we continue to allow it? Magic carpets have Middle Eastern origins, you know. What if that’s really Osama dressed all in fur from his head to his foot?

I cringed the next morning when we went to see Santa a second time. I know, I know. I was crazy to even let that happen, but the guys have been dying to see the hospital helipad up close and here was their chance.

I cringed again when I saw that it was the same bad-libbing Santa from Saturday. At least Big Guy didn’t ask this time how Santa got here. I suppose when he’s sitting in front of a helicoper, it’s pretty obvious.

Copyright 2009 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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