Comments on: Jury’s still out? What jury? http://debralegg.com/2009/11/03/stay-at-home-dads/ 9to5to9: A working mom's mad adventures in boy land Tue, 16 Mar 2010 09:33:14 -0800 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Debra http://debralegg.com/2009/11/03/stay-at-home-dads/#comment-8472 Debra Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:57:48 +0000 http://debralegg.com/?p=7335#comment-8472 Actually, in the article I linked to, the husband wasn't laid off. He <em>decided</em> to close his business because it wasn't doing well in the current economy. As a result, the couple <em>decided</em> to take the kids out of day care and let them stay at home with their father. Most things in life involve a decision or choice - one option might be so unpalatable that it's not a realistic possibility, but rejecting that option still involves making a decision. Besides, you cleverly left off a clause in quoting the post. The full sentence reads: <em>"Whose place is to judge an individual family's decisions, be they made freely or forced by economics." </em> I wasn't alive 60 years ago, so I really can't be held accountable for what was said then. As far as Friedan - and I hadn't been born yet when she wrote "The Feminine Mystique" - I believe her point was that being solely a homemaker <em>could</em> be stifling. Her argument was that women are just as capable as men of pursuing a number of professional options - and I wholeheartedly agree with that. Interestingly, in a later book "The Second Stage," Friedan addressed issues such as the social evolution of masculinity - how men's roles would change as a result of changes in women's roles. That's where we are today. And, yes, if a woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom, more power to her as well. I've said and written that many, many times. For me - and for many others today - feminism is about choices. Being strictly a stay-at-home mom is not the right thing for me - I'm an Army wife whose husband is headed to a war zone so abandoning a career that might be the sole source of support for my children would be incredibly irresponsible in my mind. But if other women or men choose to stay at home, so be it. Whose place is it to judge? Not mine. Actually, in the article I linked to, the husband wasn’t laid off. He decided to close his business because it wasn’t doing well in the current economy. As a result, the couple decided to take the kids out of day care and let them stay at home with their father. Most things in life involve a decision or choice – one option might be so unpalatable that it’s not a realistic possibility, but rejecting that option still involves making a decision. Besides, you cleverly left off a clause in quoting the post. The full sentence reads: “Whose place is to judge an individual family’s decisions, be they made freely or forced by economics.”

I wasn’t alive 60 years ago, so I really can’t be held accountable for what was said then. As far as Friedan – and I hadn’t been born yet when she wrote “The Feminine Mystique” – I believe her point was that being solely a homemaker could be stifling. Her argument was that women are just as capable as men of pursuing a number of professional options – and I wholeheartedly agree with that.

Interestingly, in a later book “The Second Stage,” Friedan addressed issues such as the social evolution of masculinity – how men’s roles would change as a result of changes in women’s roles. That’s where we are today.

And, yes, if a woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom, more power to her as well. I’ve said and written that many, many times. For me – and for many others today – feminism is about choices. Being strictly a stay-at-home mom is not the right thing for me – I’m an Army wife whose husband is headed to a war zone so abandoning a career that might be the sole source of support for my children would be incredibly irresponsible in my mind.

But if other women or men choose to stay at home, so be it. Whose place is it to judge? Not mine.

]]> By: halloran http://debralegg.com/2009/11/03/stay-at-home-dads/#comment-8471 halloran Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:01:39 +0000 http://debralegg.com/?p=7335#comment-8471 "Whose place is it to judge an individual family's decision?" Well when you get laid off, it's not a "decision" is it? You might want to rethink that. But as to the question of whether anyone has the right to criticize a family in which a father stays home, I would say definitely yes. The reason is, women, or specifically feminists have been criticizing families in which mothers stay home ever since Simone DeBeauvoir said housewives were parasites, about 60 years ago. That was followed by Betty Friedan, et al, joining in to insist that women could only be fulfilled, respected, independent individuals by having a career outside the home. So you see the jury is not out at all. We already know that men who stay at home are doomed to be miserable and unfulfilled because women have been telling us that that's been true for them for the past 60 years or more. Surely you're not suggesting that men and women are different? Because that's the other thing that feminists have told us: that men and women are not different. So if you insist that women should be independent and have their own career we must insist the same for men. And if a couple wants to travel the path of a stay at home MOM family, do you also say "more power to them"/ “Whose place is it to judge an individual family’s decision?” Well when you get laid off, it’s not a “decision” is it? You might want to rethink that. But as to the question of whether anyone has the right to criticize a family in which a father stays home, I would say definitely yes. The reason is, women, or specifically feminists have been criticizing families in which mothers stay home ever since Simone DeBeauvoir said housewives were parasites, about 60 years ago. That was followed by Betty Friedan, et al, joining in to insist that women could only be fulfilled, respected, independent individuals by having a career outside the home. So you see the jury is not out at all. We already know that men who stay at home are doomed to be miserable and unfulfilled because women have been telling us that that’s been true for them for the past 60 years or more. Surely you’re not suggesting that men and women are different? Because that’s the other thing that feminists have told us: that men and women are not different. So if you insist that women should be independent and have their own career we must insist the same for men.

And if a couple wants to travel the path of a stay at home MOM family, do you also say “more power to them”/

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