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Home » 9to5to9

Confessions from an incompetent parent: I’m pinata impaired

Submitted by on Friday, 24 July 2009 2 Comments
pinataI thought I had the problem solved for Big Guy's birthday party this year: I had a pinata consultant on hand who'd successfully implemented not one, but two, at his own daughter's birthday party in April. I had an agile teen willing to climb a tall tree.

And I had me, with ample experience in screwing up pinatas: four so far, and not one that had functioned properly. Surely I've learned something from all those failures.

As it turns out, I haven't.

Two times through the line of candy-hungry bat-wielding kids, Big Guy's pinata detached from its plastic hook and fell off the rope the agile teen controlled from atop the tall tree. Consultant dad tried to reattach, but the engineering efforts failed.

So we went to the pull strings. After another trip through the line of candy-hungry kids, all the ribbons were off but the candy remained stubbornly inside. We sat the pinata against a tree and let the oldest kid take his hacks at it - this is the kid who  can destroy any pinata, any place, any time with only a few swings.

But not this one, which remained stubbornly intact as the candy craze reached a frenzy. I finally picked up the pinata and shook it, scampering back quickly lest the sharks devour my ankles.

The kids were pleased - candy's candy, after all - but it's not going to be long before I develop a reputation as The Mom Who Is Hopelessly Pinata Impaired. I can see the guys hanging their heads in shame. They're probably start begging to not have pinatas at their parties.

Five pinatas, five failures. Why, why, why?

Part of the problem is that I listen to the guys and load the pinatas with way too much candy. That's why pinatas keep falling off ropes.

The other part of the problem also comes from listening to the guys and buying the pinatas depicting their favorite characters: Thomas, Batman, the Avatar. Yeah, they look great in closet before the party. But they never work.

I also have issues with finding the proper weapon. We've tried hard baseball bats that send the candy soaring too soon - but you knew that would happen, didn't you? We've tried foam-coated plastic bats that failed to make a dent. We've even used official "pinata" sticks, only to have the stick splinter in the hands of the fifth kid up.

I'm convinced the solution lies in getting the cheapest pinata I can possibly find - one made of newspaper and not cardboard that refuses to yield. It won't be a trendy character, but at least it should rupture like it's supposed to.

Maybe. It could be that I'm just cursed.

Copyright 2009 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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2 Comments »

  • Rob Miracle said:

    At least no one got a black eye or had to make a trip to the ER with a concussion.

  • Debra said:

    Good point, Rob. The way our summer’s been going, I probably should count my lucky stars no one was seeing stars.