Disclaimer: There is no reason for a sane person to make crackers.

CheezIts are garlic-free, though you can’t tell from the mysterious “spices” listed on the ingredients if Cheese Nips are.

Parmesan Goldfish are garlic-free, and plain Goldfish might or might not be. When I last checked that label a few weeks ago, it, too, merely listed “spices.”

But I’ve been wanting to try this recipe from “Kid-Friendly Food Allergy Cookbook” for a few years, and my current bout of manufactured-food paranoia finally motivated me to do it.

I’m glad I did because they are fantastic. They don’t taste like Goldfish as billed, and that’s a good thing. I’m ready to hide them from myself so there are some left for the guys. They’re much richer than a manufactured cracker, and I’m seeing them topped with all sorts of dips and spreads. If the batch lasts through the night.

I made a few changes from the original recipe, adding onion powder and substituting wheat flour for the rice flour used in the book.

The original says to use a food processor start to finish, but I wound up mixing in the flour with a pastry fork and adding water. That could be due to my lack of skill with dough in a food processor (I don’t use it for pie crust) or because my food processor is a cheapy wimp.

The original says to freeze the rolled dough for 10 minutes before cutting it, but I kept the dough chilled so this step wasn’t necessary. I also added coarsely ground sea salt before baking.

Mock Goldfish Crackers

• 2 c. shredded cheese — I used sharp cheddar, but the book says mozzarella and soy cheese work well, too.
• 1/2 c. butter — the original doesn’t specify, so I used chilled
• 1 1/2 c. flour
• 4 tbl. water
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1/4 tsp. ground cayenne pepper
• 1 tsp. onion powder

In food processor, blend cheese and butter. Add remaining ingredients until a ball forms. Roll dough to 1/4 inch thick. Cut with cookie cutters. Lightly salt and place on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes.

The original also suggests rolling the dough into a log and slicing quarter-inch slices. It says the dough can be kept in a sealed plastic container or plastic freezer bag for a month. I haven’t tried either of these.

Guys review:

Big Guy: “Dude, you gotta try this! It’s great,” he said to Little Guy as he crammed raw dough into his mouth. I think I’ve mentioned a few million times that Big Guy never likes anything I bake. He also hates cayenne pepper.

Little Guy: Turns up his pug nose and demands Goldfish. There’s still part of a bag in the house, but when they’re gone, they’re gone. He did have a blast helping me cut and roll them, though.

Copyright 2008 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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