Hey, Disney/Pixar! Want to pay Little Guy’s way through college?
Theses days, cool bandages -- the kind that look like kiddie tattoos -- come in amazing varieties. There's SpiderMan, Lightning McQueen, Nemo, Winnie the Pooh, SpongeBob and Sesame Street. And that's just in the ""boy"" category. Girls can choose from Dora the Explorer, Disney Princesses, Hello Kitty, Barbie or Strawberry Shortcake. A Hannah Montana line is on the way.
Big Guy grabbed Batman. Little Guy took longer, having to get past his pique at the lack of a Thomas the Tank Engine line before settling on Lightning McQueen.
Next, we needed toothpaste. Little Guy went with Lightning again -- they have Thomas, but only in the non-fluoride variety -- and Big Guy picked SpongeBob. But they could have had SpiderMan. Disney Princesses is, of course, available as well.
The irony is, naive pre-Mommy me swore to shun all cartoon-character marketing. There would be no Winnie the Pooh or Baby Loony Toons in my children's rooms! I picked a baseball motif for Big Guy and a Noah's Ark teddy bear set for Little Guy.
That didn't last through Big Guy's terrible twos. As a result, Big Guy is the proud owner of three Batman shirts and two pairs of pajamas. I can't even count how much Thomas and Lightning McQueen gear Little Guy has.
I've finally decided that if I can't beat 'em, I'm going to make money off them.
There is no logic in me continuing to pay Warner Brothers, Disney/Pixar and HiT Entertainment -- owners of Batman, Lightning McQueen and Thomas, respectively -- for licensed merchandise. Instead, they should pay me for the privilege of turning my children into walking billboards.
I am prepared to offer any of those companies the right to dress the guys from head to foot in their apparel. The guys will tote their lunch boxes and back packs. Birthday parties will be built around the theme of their character.
The companies have a lot to gain -- if Big Guy shows up at school in the newest, coolest Batman shirt, you better believe three of his friends will clamor for the same. And so will three of their friends, and so on exponentially down the line.
All I want in return -- aside from free clothing, gear and party supplies -- is a check big enough to put both guys through Stanford. I'll happily accept easy monthly payments and direct deposit.
Copyright 2008 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.