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Home » 9to5to9, Big Guy's story

Diana, the Doo-Dahs and other imaginary folk

Submitted by on Sunday, 1 June 2008 No Comment
Originally published July 2, 2007, thehive.modbee.com

She always wears a pink shirt and either pink or black boots. She works in a restaurant, and sometimes she lives with us. She has pink hair.

Her name is Diana, and she’s Big Guy’s sister.

Maybe his wife, too. “I’m going to get married with her,” he told me solemnly yesterday.

Insert favorite West Virginia joke here.

Sister, wife, whatever. We’ll sort that out later. I’m just happy he’s settled on someone. For a while, he had an imaginary kindergarten teacher, sister and grandma, and I had to be all three. I felt like Sybil.

Now, this might freak out some parents. I’ve heard of moms and dads being concerned that their kids were maladjusted or weren’t getting enough stimulation.

I, however, am all for it. Especially now that I don’t have to be four people. Imaginary friends are nothing new to Big Guy. This is just the first human one who appears to be largely made up.

Big Guy’s always been tight with his Bear. I knew he was far more than a plaything the day Bad Mommy forgot Bear at home and Big Guy had to spend the day at school without him.

Big Guy got home that night, ran to Bear, embraced him and then slammed him to the floor. You don’t get that mad at a mere toy.

Big Guy’s sister-wife could be based loosely on my cousin, Diana, whose hair is strawberry blonde. It’s never been pink that I know of, though there could have been a Lady Clairol mishap I missed.

Whatever her origin, our Diana’s a busy girl. She goes to college, and she never has time to play with us because she’s always cooking dinner. Poor thing.

She showed up after the Doo-Dahs left to spend the summer in the Acre Woods. I guess with land values in these parts, no one can afford the 100 Acre Woods anymore.

The Doo-Dahs appeared one day last winter, as Little Guy stared intently out the window on the drive home from work. “What are you looking at, bud?” I asked. “He’s looking at the Doo-Dahs,” Big Guy said.

The what?

They’re tiny furry critters – the adults are the size of Little Guy, I’m told – with three arms and three legs. They change color at least daily – sometimes by the minute – though the original ones were yellow.

The Doo-Dahs were constantly having car trouble, which is why I annoyed many drivers by slowly pulling away from signal lights and stop signs. Sorry, folks. The Doo-Dahs were broken down again, and I giving them time to catch up.

If it’s any consolation, it was worse in our car, where we had to roll down the windows so they could jump in.

They slept in Big Guy’s bed all winter, requiring special blankets and tucking in. Dang high maintenance, they were.

I bet Little Guy’s friends are going to be downright labor intense. Already, his El has to have toys and food.

Good thing Diana spends so much time cooking. I cannot keep up with all these mouths to feed.

Copyright 2007 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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